A child who’s throwing a tantrum can be whining, crying, screaming, kicking, hitting, breath holding and biting. Tantrums typically happen between the ages of 1 to 3 years old, though they can start even before then, and they are equally common in boys and girls.
Keep reading to find strategies to “tame the tantrum,” and ideally, to prevent them.
Why toddlers have tantrums
It’s a great developmental milestone when your toddler wants control in their world. Congratulations! But sometimes growing independence comes with frustrations. Toddlers may throw tantrums because:
- They want to be “in charge”
- They have limited language skills
- They are tired or hungry
- They are stressed
How to tame tantrums in the moment
Help guide your toddler through emotional outbursts by:
- Connecting before correcting. Your job during a tantrum: Help regulate and calm your child’s emotional state, not teach a lesson. You can teach after you both feel calm and connected.
- Calming down. Practice deep breathing with your toddler to calm emotions in both of you. Focus on what your toddler needs from you instead of your own frustration.
- Giving empathy. Acknowledging what your child wants helps them feel understood and be more likely to go along with your suggestions. You can say, “I know you want to stay at the park, but we need to go now.”
- Acknowledging feelings. This is one of the easiest, but often overlooked ways to get your child’s attention and help them feel connected. For example, “I see you’re mad. It’s OK to be upset.”
- Setting limits. Speak simply; set boundaries. “You cannot hit. Hitting hurts.”
- Redirecting. Divert your toddler’s attention with another activity. Try saying, “Would you like to push the stroller or ride in it?”
Stopping tantrums before they start
Help prevent a tantrum from starting with tactics such as:
- Providing choices. “Do you want applesauce or yogurt?” Give your toddler a sense of control over the little things.
- Maintaining daily schedules. Keep predictable daily routines such as naptimes, snack times and bedtimes.
- Providing positive attention. Narrate or “sportscast” positive behaviors. What you focus on, you get more of. “Wow, you’re being so careful with your cup.”
- Learning the triggers. Watch for patterns as to when and where tantrums are happening. Minimize your toddler’s exposure to these triggers if possible. For example, don’t go grocery shopping just before dinnertime.
- Knowing your toddler’s limits. If your toddler is hungry or tired, be flexible with continuing your activity.
- Limiting temptation. Put away things your toddler isn’t allowed to touch or play with – out of sight, out of mind.
Be patient as your child learns how to express feelings. Remember – tantrums are normal and won’t last forever.
For more strategies on how to work through challenging behaviors, contact a Sanford Parenting Specialist at (605) 312-8390.
Learn more
- How to promote social and emotional health in youth
- The roller coaster of toddlerhood
- Model good manners for toddlers
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Posted In Children's, Family Medicine, Health Information, Parenting
