Mental health issues are challenging for anyone at any age but the signs in men and women are often different. It is important for men to remember that a conversation with a primary care provider can be a good place to start.
It is also important to remember these issues are treatable.
Ryan Voigt, Psy.D., LP, is a Sanford Health psychologist at Sanford Health Alexandria Clinic in Minnesota who can help guide men who seek mental health care. He will tell you you’re not the only one – other people have felt like this before, sought treatment and are better because of it.
The stigma surrounding men and mental health has diminished over time, but it still exists and remains a significant barrier between some men and the care that could help them.
Alarmingly, suicide is nearly four times as likely among men than women in the United States.
“For a lot of men, seeking help is still seen as a sign of weakness,” Dr. Voigt said. “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, real men don’t cry – we’ve all heard the cliches. We might laugh about it, but men will come in and tell me that is the exact message they heard growing up.”
At Sanford Health, mental health care providers like Dr. Voigt can answer essential questions about what it really means to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps.”
What are the symptoms?
Men and women deal with the same mental disorders and conditions. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, common symptoms include:
- Noticeable changes in mood, energy level, or appetite
- Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
- Difficulty concentrating, feeling restless, or on edge
- Feeling flat or having trouble feeling positive emotions
- Increased worry or feeling stressed
- Misuse of alcohol, drugs, or both
- Obsessive thinking or compulsive behavior
- Persistent sadness or feelings of hopelessness
- Physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive problems, and pain
- Thoughts or behaviors that interfere with work, family, or social life
- Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
While women and men can experience these symptoms, men commonly express them differently or develop different coping behaviors, says the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. The nonprofit organization says symptoms of mental health disorders in men may look like this:
- Escapist behavior, such as spending a lot of time at work or on sports
- Controlling, violent or abusive behavior
- Engaging in high-risk activities
- Irritability or anger that gets out of control
Suicide more common among men
Men make up 50% of the population but 80% of the suicides. Several factors are involved in the difference, but the numbers emphasize the importance of recognizing symptoms in yourself or others close to you.
Stigma, a preference for self-treatment, and an inherent inclination to minimize symptoms can contribute to circumstances that lead to suicidal thoughts.
“More women attempt suicide than men, but men have higher rates of completing suicide because they often use more lethal means,” Dr. Voigt said. “It’s scary and it sends up a big red flag in explaining why you should talk about your mental health. A big reason why men should get help is that they are more at risk of dying.”
When it is time to seek help
Realizing it’s time to seek help is ideally an act of self-realization. The reality is that loved ones are often the first to indicate something is not right.
Research suggests men are less likely than women to seek help with mental health issues. This can mean men who need help often need encouragement from others to seek it.
“A lot of times it’s other people who point it out to you. It can be, ‘Hey, I’ve noted you seem a lot crabbier than usual – what is going on?’” Dr. Voigt said. “Or it could be, ‘I’ve noticed you are going to the bar more often than usual.’ The people themselves may or may not have that insider awareness of their own behavior. They might not be super tuned-in or have a lot of insight into why their behavior has changed.”
Or, maybe they know and they’re ready to share. If you’re a friend or a loved one, it will never hurt to ask.
“If you bring it up with someone who checks in with themselves a little bit, they might talk about some big situational stressor that just happened,” Dr. Voigt said. “Maybe they lost a job or broke up a relationship or something else that is stressful and has become hard to deal with.”
Why are men sometimes reluctant to get help?
Social and cultural stigma can discourage men from seeking help. Societal expectations around masculinity can lead to men feeling like they’re weak if they admit they need help.
“There is this masculine concept that I need to be tough and strong and do it on my own,” Dr. Voigt said. “In general, independence is a big deal in our culture, whether you’re a man or a woman, but for men especially. The message is that I can’t ask for help. The message is that we need to internalize, which is not helpful or healthy.”
Other barriers may not be connected to being a man but can also present challenges. If you live in a rural area, how far would you have to drive to see someone who can help you? Is your access to the internet strong enough to participate in a telehealth appointment?
Cost can also play a role. Do you have a health plan that helps pay for mental health care? What if you can’t leave work? They are all potential barriers.
How can friends and family help?
Let’s say you are the friend of someone who is showing symptoms. How can you help?
There is no singular right way to approach the topic. Saying nothing at all is usually not the best option.
“When you ask someone how they’re feeling and they say they’re fine, we know sometimes that is not true,” Dr. Voigt said. “Sometimes you can cut through that just by asking again. Sometimes if you follow your first question with, ‘How are you really?’ They realize you really do care, and you really want to know and offer support.”
Sometimes it can be as simple as offering to take a walk.
“It’s interesting – if you want to get a guy to open up, there’s nothing like walking and talking,” Dr. Voigt said. “Just say, ‘Can we go for a walk and chat about that?’ Being shoulder-to-shoulder can feel less confrontational than sitting and facing each other eye-to-eye.”
The next step
Talking to your primary care provider can be a less intimidating entry point for those seeking directions on where to turn.
“It’s just a really good place to start,” Dr. Voigt said. “It can be easier to access and it’s someone you usually already have a relationship with. Ideally your doctor can make a referral, and you can get through the door that way.”
Your primary care provider can also connect you to other services that can help.
“There are a lot of good resources available online,” Dr. Voigt said. “Obviously, you have to be careful about that because there are also a lot of not-so-helpful things out there, but there are some really good things, too, where you can plug in some information and get a better sense for where you’re at.”
For more information
Sanford Health’s Behavioral Health Services offer online and in-person options for setting up an appointment that can put you on the path to better mental health. The site also serves as a hub for mental health care resources.
If you need help now, contact:
SAMHSA National Helpline: (800) 662-HELP (4357)
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988 or (800) 273-TALK (8255)
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
SAMHSA Disaster Distress Helpline: (800) 985-5990
Learn more
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Posted In Behavioral Health, Family Medicine, Healthy Living, Internal Medicine
