The idea of a “default parent” describes which parent a child prefers to go to first when they need something, or it can also mean which parent the daycare calls because a child is sick and needs to be picked up.
Often, the mother is seen as the default parent, especially in the first few months of life. From prenatal appointments to the birth plan and nursing the baby, dads/partners are sometimes an afterthought. Parenting takes a special effort from all adults involved, but dads/partners can play a role that has many significant benefits for Baby and Mom.
Both caregivers will go through a variety of psychological and even hormonal changes. Putting too many items on Mom’s to-do list right away can be overwhelming. While Mom is recovering from childbirth and feeding the baby, there are some essential responsibilities dads/partners can take the lead on:
Health and safety tasks
- Research daycares and pediatricians.
- Childproof your home.
- Make sure your baby travels safely by installing and using a car seat.
- Have your car seat checked at the Sanford Children’s Safety Center.
- Assemble your baby’s crib.
Sleep safety tips
Remember the ABC’s when putting your baby to sleep:
- Alone: Baby should sleep in the same room as the parents, but not in the same bed.
- Back: An infant should always sleep on their back.
- Crib: Keep your baby’s crib clutter-free. No quilts, duvets, bumper pads, pillows or stuffed animals.
Supporting your partner
There are several ways to provide support and share responsibility:
- Comfort and play with your baby. Be playful, energetic, and entertaining for the child when Mom does not have the energy.
- Give your baby baths.
- Hold and rock your baby.
- Change your baby’s diapers.
- Wash bottles, clothes, bedding, etc.
- Get the diaper bag ready when leaving the house.
- Bring Mom a glass of water. Nursing especially leaves moms very thirsty.
- Get the baby from the crib and bring them to Mom for a feeding so she can stay relaxed.
- Feed the baby and let Mom rest if bottles are an option for Dad/partner to feed in the middle of the night.
- Provide some type of comforting massage for Mom to provide physical, emotional and stress relief, especially if she is lacking sleep or feeling sore.
- Check in with Mom and be aware of signs of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders to help her know when she needs a break, needs time to talk to Dad/partner, or when she might need to speak to a mental health professional.
Understanding crying
- Crying is how a baby communicates. Babies cry for many reasons such as being hungry, tired, uncomfortable, wanting to be held or because a diaper change is needed. Crying will not hurt your baby.
- When you are tense, that can lead to your baby feeling stressed and the crying can likely intensify.
- There are times when you need a break from the crying. It is OK to put your baby in their crib and walk out of the room for a few minutes to take some deep breaths and relax.
The support that you communicate as an involved dad/partner will help promote safety and lead to happier and healthier mothers and children.
Learn more
- From infant to teen: Proper car seat for each age
- Prep for baby, postpartum, and ‘fourth trimester’
- Reading the signs: Decoding your baby’s cues
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Posted In Children's, Family Medicine, Parenting
