Sibling rivalry is common and a normal part of growing up.
Problems often occur right after the birth of the second child and usually continue throughout childhood. Although this can be frustrating and stressful to parents, sibling rivalry helps children gain experience in dealing with real-life problems.
Below are a few tips on some causes and how to cope with sibling rivalry.
Causes of sibling rivalry
- Competition and jealousy. This viewpoint may cause a child to act out in order for them to feel they are getting noticed, too.
- Parent feedback. It is no surprise that one child getting more positive feedback than the other can provoke hurt feelings.
- Not fair! If one sibling feels they are being treated unfairly compared to another sibling, it is common for a fight to erupt.
- Individual temperaments. If your children have opposite temperaments or similar temperaments, this could be grounds for rivalry.
Handling the conflict
- Let your children work out their conflict. If you do have to step in help, facilitate a resolution by discussing the situation and helping them express their emotions and their perspectives of the situation.
- Do not allow name-calling. Help your children find appropriate words to express their feelings versus negative name-calling.
- Separate the children so they can calm down. Taking time to cool off can help children get back into a calmer, more reasonable mindset.
- Avoid the blame game of who started the battle. Someone starts the fight, and someone has to keep it going.
- Do not “force” apologies. Accept your child’s emotions. Help your child learn how to talk through emotions versus expressing them with hitting and kicking another child in the family.
All siblings will have some sort of rivalry, and this is normal. However, by treating your children as individuals, helping them identify and acknowledge their emotions, listening to them and giving them opportunities to problem-solve, you can lay the foundation for healthy sibling relationships.
Learn more
- How to promote social and emotional health in youth
- Help your child learn self-control
- Responsive parenting: 3 steps to meet your child’s needs
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Posted In Children's, Family Medicine, Parenting
