You’ve tried everything you can think of to get your preschooler to listen to you and nothing seems to be working. Even though it can be frustrating, not listening is a common behavior for 3- to 5-year-olds.
Why preschoolers don’t listen
Preschoolers are becoming independent in what they think and want. They have other thoughts about what they should be doing instead of listening to you. Common reasons why preschoolers don’t listen include:
- Having other things to do versus what you are requesting.
- Wanting to finish playing or completing a task.
- Not liking your rules.
- Testing to see if the tactic of not listening works to do what they want to do instead.
- Their temperament. Children with low distractibility and high persistence temperament traits are very focused on what they are doing versus listening to others.
Tips to improve your preschooler’s listening skills
Even though not listening is typical for preschoolers, it doesn’t mean it’s an acceptable behavior. Try these tactics to get your preschooler to listen:
- Stay calm. Don’t yell if your preschooler doesn’t listen right away. The louder you get, the more your preschooler may ignore you and the more frustrated you become.
- Get on their level. This means lowering yourself down and looking your child in the eye. Making eye contact with your child can strengthen communication.
- Keep it simple. Don’t over talk. Give one command at a time so your directive is clearly understood.
- Repeat after me. Ask your preschooler to repeat what you said to reinforce your directive.
- Practice patience. Allow your preschooler time to cooperate; your preschooler may just need a few seconds to make the decision to listen. Allowing time also gives them time to finish what they may be doing.
- Offer positive reinforcement. Reward your preschooler for listening with positive comments such as, “I am proud of how you listened and picked up your toys. You should be proud of yourself too.”
Activities to build listening skills
Listening involves paying attention to sounds and surroundings. Here are some fun games and activities to help build your preschooler’s listening skills:
- Imitation. Ask your preschooler to imitate the way you clap a pattern. Use different speeds, rhythms and intensity.
- I spy. Simply describe an object you see and ask your preschooler to guess what the object is.
- Fill in the blank. Ask your preschooler to fill in the blank as you read poems or rhymes to them. Leave out a word at the end of the sentence for them to complete. For example, “One fish, two fish, red fish, blue ____.”
- Tell it again. Read a story to your preschooler and ask them to retell the story when you are done.
Remember that “not listening” should be a wakeup call for parents. While it might seem like defiance or inattention on their part, it’s more than likely a way to get parents’ attention or an expression of your child’s need for building independence.
Children may struggle with listening for various reasons, including their temperament. For more information, email parenting@sanfordhealth.org.
Learn more
- Self-control is a struggle for toddlers
- Tips for setting rules that will work for preschoolers
- Fun ways to keep preschoolers busy in the car
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Posted In Children's, Family Medicine, Parenting
