Social media can be a great way for teens and pre-teens to stay connected with friends, family and others with common interests. Its unmonitored use can also be the gateway to trouble, however.
Behavioral health leaders across the U.S. are urging parents to monitor the social media habits of their children, citing it as a factor in the increase in mental health issues in adolescents.
The progression from what starts as a standard diversion, like watching TV or playing video games, to something darker can be a slippery slope, says Dene Hovet, associate behavioral health counselor for Sanford Health.
In many cases, neither kids nor parents quite realize the extent to which the internet and social media have taken over their lives.
“It’s important to set boundaries for your children like you would with any other social interaction or situation,” Hovet said. “For example, if your child wants to go down to the park and hang out with friends for a few hours, you might set a limit on that. Something along the lines of, ‘I want you to be home by 5 p.m.’”
The same parent who wants their child home for dinner on time might be more hesitant to place restrictions on social media use.
“What if your teen comes to you and says, ‘Hey, can I go down to the park and stand on a bench for 10 to 12 hours and see how many of you like my outfit?’” Hovet said. “That puts it in perspective. Balance is important and it’s important to look at it like any other social situation. Are you really going to let them stay on there all day?”
Social media and kids’ mental health
There’s evidence some do stay on there all day: Up to 95% of youth ages 13-17 report using a social media platform, with more than a third saying they use social media “almost constantly,” according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
“Nearly every teenager in America uses social media, and yet we do not have enough evidence to conclude that it is sufficiently safe for them,” says a 2023 U.S. surgeon general advisory.
Some of the feedback is positive:
- Adolescents report that social media helps them feel more accepted (58%) and gives them access to those who can support them in trying situations (67%).
- Social media platforms also provide a place for young people to show their creative side (71%) and keep them more connected to what’s going on in their friends’ lives (80%).
The advisory also cites research raising concerns about harmful content and excessive use:
- Adolescents who spend more than three hours per day on social media face double the risk of experiencing poor mental health, such as symptoms of depression and anxiety.
- Compulsive or uncontrollable social media use has been linked to sleep problems, attention problems, and feelings of exclusion among adolescents.
- Social media use may lead to body dissatisfaction, disordered eating, social comparison, and low self-esteem. When asked about the impact of social media on their body image, nearly half (46%) of adolescents aged 13-17 said social media makes them feel worse.
- Childhood deaths have been linked to suicide- and self-harm-related content and risk-taking challenges on social media platforms.
- Roughly two-thirds (64%) of adolescents are “often” or “sometimes” exposed to hate-based content.
- Social media platforms can be sites for predatory behaviors, online harassment and abuse. Nearly 6 in 10 adolescent girls say they’ve been contacted by a stranger on social media in ways that make them feel uncomfortable.
Noting similar consumer protections already in place for toys, transportation and medications, the advisory makes recommendations to “maximize the benefits and minimize the harm of social media platforms to create safer, healthier online environments for children.” And it says kids and families can’t do it alone – they need support from policymakers, tech companies and educators, too.
Getting honest about screen time
In Hovet’s conversations with parents, the No. 1 social media concern for their children is the existence of predatory adults posing as young people. For kids, cyberbullying is viewed as a bigger problem.
“It can be really tough for a lot of kids who don’t have a lot of self-esteem,” Hovet said. “Everybody is hiding behind fake accounts. You can use parental controls, but kids are pretty smart about these things and they can get around them.”
Hovet’s role at Sanford often puts her in contact with teens and pre-teens about their level of engagement with social media. Those conversations can be eye-opening.
“We start by sitting down and looking at the numbers,” Hovet said. “We look at the screen time and those numbers don’t lie. Sometimes we’ll be sitting face-to-face and it’s like, ‘OK, I was really on Instagram for six hours yesterday?’ And then it’s, ‘Oh gosh, maybe I can do a better job with this.’”
She urges parents to recognize the signs of social media addiction. Social media platforms are built to keep users engaged, with likes, notifications, and endless scrolling of YouTube Shorts and TikTok videos acting as dopamine hits.
“When you take away the device and your child feels panicked or out of control, that’s a red flag,” Hovet said. “Remember, it’s not about punishment. It’s about helping them recognize that their brain is getting overstimulated and may need a break.”
It’s important for families to notice when social media use starts to look more like a need than a want, she said. For example, is your child checking their phone during meals or in the middle of the night? Are they more agitated after being online than they were before?
“I encourage families to create a home environment where digital wellness is talked about openly,” Hovet said. “Just like you’d talk about healthy eating or exercise, talk about how your brain feels after being on your phone. Are you tired? Overwhelmed? Or do you feel more connected and creative? Kids can start identifying that for themselves when given the tools.”
Talking about your family priorities
Helping kids get out of bad social media habits can sometimes include tough love. Delivering that message effectively can be challenging for a parent, but necessary.
“Better screen-time habits come from setting boundaries at home and really having open discussions about it,” Hovet said. “What do we want our house to look like? Do we want to sit at the dinner table and not have our phones out? Do we want to have a cleanse day where we do a family activity and put all our social media away?
“It’s a bigger, broader topic than just social media, but we have to ask ourselves and our children: Do we want to live in a home where everyone is always texting and watching videos on their phones all the time?”
To parents who might be intimidated by the technical aspects of keeping children safe in their internet and social media use, Hovet offered reassurance.
“At the end of the day, it’s all about building relationships and communicating with your kids,” she said. “When I talk to teens in high school, if they have a good relationship with their parents or a trusted adult, they won’t hesitate to go to them when they’re struggling. It’s super important for kids to know you will listen to them and that they will be able to have good communication.”
Learn more
- When media changes adolescent moods & anxiety
- 2 screens aren’t better than 1: Danger of media multitasking
- 10 ways to minimize screen time
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Posted In Behavioral Health, Children's, Family Medicine, Healthy Living, Parenting
