Have you ever watched your child struggle to put on their sock and found yourself jumping in to finish the task for them? Children want and need to learn to do things for themselves in order to build a sense of self-confidence.
As children’s motor and thinking skills develop, they begin to want to do more for themselves. The challenge is sometimes they can’t quite do what they want to do.
Learning to master a new skill can be frustrating at any age. For children 2 to 3 years old this frustration often creates what is commonly known as a temper tantrum. The balance between letting your child explore, attempt and learn new skills versus doing it for them is a daily occurrence in the life of a 2- to 3-year-old.
As a parent, you may want to prevent your child from becoming overwhelmed with frustration in order to minimize discouragement. This is the balance of when to let your child try and when you should help.
Parenting children through the “me do” or “do it myself” phase of development requires patience and respect when a frustrated toddler is losing their cool. Toddlers need activities appropriate for their abilities.
Help your child learn new skills by simplifying the task just enough for them to be able to do it. If a task is too difficult, they become frustrated and give up. On the other hand, if the activity presents no challenge, toddlers become bored.
Toddlers have limited language skills, and this adds to their frustration when they are struggling to learn a new task. Not being able to say what they want to say or do what they want to do can be frustrating indeed. Yet, the joy and excitement of “doing it myself” is celebrated with a joyful smile and a sense of pride that will serve children well as they continue to develop independence and self-confidence.
What you can do during ‘I can do it myself!’
- Give your child the opportunity to help with dressing and undressing. For example, pull a sock halfway off and ask the toddler to finish taking it off. Celebrate the moment of “look what I did” with your child.
- Encourage independence by giving limited choices: “Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?” Two choices are often enough. Respect your child’s preferences when they do make a choice. Don’t offer a choice when there isn’t one, such as riding in a car seat for safety or wearing a coat when it is cold outside. This can confuse your child and lead to frustration for both of you.
- Ask your child to help with chores such as picking up toys, folding or putting away laundry, carrying their lunch box, or putting their shoes away.
- Engage and interact with your child as they practice new skills. Set your child at the table with you to tear up lettuce or dump a can of veggies into a bowl for a meal. Share experiences and laughter together. This encourages your child to look for more independence building opportunities.
- Be flexible and comfort your child when they need to be a “baby” again. Becoming independent takes time.
Your toddler learns through play and experiences. Be sure to give them lots of time to learn and practice independence each day and celebrate their accomplishments. It’s fun to watch your child learn and grow.
Learn more
- Ways to nurture your child’s self-esteem
- Separation anxiety: Tips to stop tearful goodbyes
- Even preschoolers can help out around the house
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Posted In Children's, Family Medicine, Parenting
